Article
Reprinted from Home-Based Working Mom eNewsletter

The “Art” of Juggling Our Work & Family Lives: Making It Work

Changing the Metaphor

When I sat down at my computer to write this article, my goal was to discuss what I thought was the all-too-popular topic of balancing work and family lives. As I began typing, I remembered a workshop I presented years ago on this topic at a conference, and how I brought a bunch of tennis balls with me as props.
At the beginning of the workshop, I asked participants (mostly women) to volunteer to identify the different areas they were trying to manage in their lives. As participants volunteered, I threw them a ball for each area they identified. Their challenge? To keep the balls from falling. But as you can imagine, as much as they tried, no one could do it without dropping a ball or two—or three. The act of juggling those balls was a powerful metaphor for this group, most of whom were also moms, wives, daughters and caregivers. Sound familiar?

Symbolically, those yellow tennis balls had a powerful impact. Participants were able to recognize that most probably they’d never master the illusive art of “balancing” their lives perfectly--just as they couldn’t keep juggling all those tennis balls without some falling. As this realization set-in, the discussion shifted to “juggling” instead of balancing work and family responsibilities, and to all the participants, this concept made more sense.

Being Realistic

In a recent poll, Americans were asked how they felt about the quality of their lives. Results revealed that only 2% believed their lives were “in balance!” The problem isn’t so much that our lives aren’t “in balance” as much as how we believe they “should” be! The belief that there’s some magical way to organize our time so that everything is perfectly balanced can lead to the erroneous conclusion that if things aren’t--maybe there’s something wrong--with me! Perhaps a more realistic perspective is that we’re all jugglers rather than 'tightrope experts', and from that vantage point, we can begin to accept that some parts of our lives will always be up in the air--outer balance simply isn’t possible 100% of the time. The challenge is to keep our eyes on our tennis balls—and to consciously begin to think about managing their perpetual motion with grace and inner balance.

It’s Do-able

Remembering that workshop, I recalled one of the activities I suggested was developing a “Personal Priority List”. Everyone agreed that setting--and honoring--personal priorities aren’t selfish, but an essential step at every stage of our busy lives. Recognizing the importance of taking care of our needs so we can better take care of others is necessary self-care. Whether it’s taking an art class you’ve wanted to for years, trying yoga, or even taking up karate, doing things that make us feel better about ourselves help make us better moms, better spouses/partners--and better contributors to society in general.

Easier said than done? Not really. The trick is to stop thinking about--and start doing. Make a list of S.M.A.R.T. goals--sensible, measurable, actionable, realistic, and tangible.

Ask yourself:

** What activities make me feel good about myself? Then commit to including them in your life every week--even if it means putting them on your work/family calendars as you do other important activities. Start giving them the importance they deserve!

** Carve out time for meaningful things that help you stay centered. These can include more inner-focused activities like journaling, prayer, meditation, etc. Even 5 or 10 minutes a day is beneficial.

** Take care of yourself, because if you don’t--who will? I know you’ve heard if before, but eat well, get enough sleep, schedule yearly medical check-ups, see a nutritionist, get a massage--and don’t feel guilty! It not only feels good, it’s therapeutic as well.

** Set boundaries—begin to tell yourself as often as you can remember to that you’re entitled to create a life for yourself. Even if you’re not quite sure you believe it, “fake it ‘til you make it!”

You’ve laid the groundwork! Review your priorities and re-adjust, as necessary. Feeding your soul with things you care about creates a sense of well-being and gives you the energy you need to “juggle” your life in a healthier and more purposeful way. And yes--you really do deserve it!

Barbara Feuer, lives in Bethesda, MD and is a psychologist and life coach. She coaches by phone, so her clients can live anywhere! Barbara’s son’s birth was the impetus to create a home-based business (The Catalyst Group, LLC), and still be successful. Life coaching was her answer, and the key to her success is unwavering commitment to her clients, and her ability to help them connect with what fills their hearts and souls.

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